i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
