Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
