When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
