I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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