i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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