The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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