I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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