i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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