when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
