I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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