Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
