i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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