I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
