apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
