I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
