kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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