I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
