If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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