I hate all girls vehemently.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
