If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
