Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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