if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
