A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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