is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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