wakey wakey hands off snakey
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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