i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
