talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
my shit smells like andre
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
