and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
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