just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
