I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize