i think my tv is drunk
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
