Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
