another moral hangover. fuck.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
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professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
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He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.