I think I am morally bankrupt
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt