Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky