Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC