marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
