so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
