he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
