I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
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I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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