he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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