nut hugger
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
