I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
