I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
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Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
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Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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