Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
