So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just gift wrapped bread.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
