If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
