Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
