She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
