you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
