he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
