I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize