Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
