found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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