see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
