dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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