Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
