just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Lo siento on account of my penis...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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