I wish my penis had an off switch
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
